The World Map Project (or, Megalomania Happens)

1 In the beginning, there was only a blank wall without form, a void overlooking the schoolyard, and there was dust, dust, dust upon the face of the deep.
2 And the two creators said, Let there be a giant blue rectangle, and the passers-by were mystified.
3 And the world was gridded into a thousand little squares, and the gathering crowd said that they were straight and even;
4 And as the creators could find neither inches nor centimeters on their strange new world ruler, they called their unit of creation jellybeans. And the evening and the morning were the first day.



5 And the creators said, Let us draw the continents in the midst of the waters, and let us divide them according to the 1994 borders of our World Map book;
6 And the creators shifted the isthmus of Panama from Colombia (woops!), cursed the Phillipines in all the complexity, and wondered if Tibet was under or above the firmament of China;
7 And the hangers-about could offer no clues. And the evening and the morning were the second day.


8 And the creators said, let the waters of the great blue rectangle be gathered together in one place, and the continents appear distinct, and it was so.
9 And the continents were cast in lovely pastel tones, and in their gathering together clarified to all who observed that there are indeed five and not seven firmaments upon the earth;
10 And one creator at last confirmed the location of the great icy void Antarctica and saw that it was good. And the evening and the morning were the third day.


11 And the creators said, let us label each nation and people, and face many a quandary over what is inland lake and sea;
12 Let us admit (for creators can be humble), that the firmament has much changed since 1994, that the people are forever restless and their borders forever shifting, and might the creators have to return to the second day to redivide the former Soviet Bloc?
13 And the creators stepped back from divine creation and observed that in their polytheism there were two Fijis; And with wisdom they named one LOST island and saw that it was good.
14 And the evening and the morning were the fourth day.



15 And the crowd had grown, and they cried out to the creators: you have surely erred, you have gone astray in your judgment, Madagascar is too small, we can hardly see it in the midst of the waters.
16 But the creators did not hear, for they were otherwise occupied drawing stick figures of themselves in the distant void from which they hail;
17 And the Director EPP appeared to save them from their megalomania, reminding the creators to divide North from South so his followers could know the equator;
18 And he saw that it was straight; And the people declared that Madagascar remained the most important firmament upon the earth, and the evening and the morning were the fifth day.



19 And the creators said, Let there be rest after the task; let the earth bring forth rice to celebrate the occasion; let us rejoice in the hour of “rice o’clock.”
20 And the lingering people said to the passers-by it is good; and the creators saw everything they had made and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.